


breathe until you take me in

by ryozumi



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14776424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryozumi/pseuds/ryozumi
Summary: Sougo’s familiar with the desire to make others happy; it’s what they both do for a living, after all. What Sougo doesn’t understand, can’t possibly fathom, is Ryuu’s reason for directing it towardshim. As one who’s never been anything but a burden, never done anything but cause trouble for others, Sougo’s wholly undeserving of it, wholly undeserving of Ryuu.He doesn’t deserve it...but he doesn’t dislike it either.Only hopes that one day, he can return those feelings with the same ease. It’s the least he can do to show Ryuu gratitude for all he’s done for Sougo...gratitude for the happiness he's given him.If that makes Ryuu happy too, then maybe it's enough.





	breathe until you take me in

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Sougo!!

Light filters in past the curtains covering the windows of Ryuu’s apartment, glaring off of the television into Sougo’s eyes. Sunspots dance across his vision, head throbbing slightly, but he’s too tired to bother closing the curtains the rest of the way, instead flipping the power off and sliding down until his head reaches the armrest. Sougo’s lavender eyes flutter shut, the material cool but soft enough for him to relax into after a night of restless sleep.

“There you are. You’re up rather early, Sougo-kun—Oh, was that this week’s episode of Yamato-kun’s drama?”

Sougo startles upright, twisting his body in the direction of the voice to see Ryuu walking down the stairs, a hand toweling his hair dry, skin glowing after his shower.

The sight of Ryuu first thing in the morning is so simple, nothing he hasn’t seen tens of times by now, yet so breathtakingly refreshing. Ryuu approaches him so comfortably; the way he brushes Sougo’s bangs out of his face with gentle fingers and presses his infinitely more gentle lips against Sougo’s forehead is something he worries his heart won’t ever grow accustomed to.

Warmth spreads across his cheeks as he sinks shyly against against the seat and swallows, blinking away the hair that falls back down into his eyes as Ryuu draws back, his large hand smoothing it back into place. “Good morning. Y-Yes, I believe so,” Sougo replies, catching his breath as Ryuu circles around him towards the window. Despite Ryuu having fixed his hair already, he raises a hand to it—the strange sensation of his cool lips lingers on his skin. “It’s been recorded. Did you want to watch it together?”

“I’d like that. After we have breakfast, maybe.” Ryuu spares a glance outside past the curtains before he pulls them fully closed, the only source of light vanishing from the room in an instant. A few moments pass in silence while Sougo adjusts, eyes burning from the unexpected relief the darkness brings. When he opens his eyes Ryuu smiles at him apologetically from across the room. “Sorry, your forehead felt a little warm. I thought you might appreciate some relief from the light. Was I wrong?”

Sougo’s brows furrow unconsciously. He immediately flattens the back of his hand against his bangs, surprised to find his skin is indeed warmer than it should be. Could he actually be getting a fever? “I didn’t even realize…” he whispers, glancing up.

The older man crosses the room and kneels down until his eyes are level with Sougo’s, reaching out for his free hand and squeezing. His thumb rubs gentle circles into Sougo's palm. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately. You didn’t sleep well last night either, did you?”

He breathes out a small _no_ , shameful gaze helplessly falling to his lap where their hands are clasped. Ryuu’s other palm cups Sougo’s jaw. Consciously this time, he connects the coolness of it with his own raised body temperature; unconsciously, he lifts his eyes to meet Ryuu’s amber ones.

“Don’t make that face.”

Sougo’s grimace deepens. “If I’m getting sick, that means I haven’t been taking care of myself. I’ll end up causing you and the others trouble again.”

“Sougo-kun,” he calls, voice light, sliding his thumb over his cheek. Sougo bites his lip, but Ryuu smooths his thumb across that too. With no way to avoid it, he holds Ryuu’s gaze, guilt twisting in his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs finally. “I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell until it was too late if not for you.”

Ryuu shakes his head before Sougo’s even finished speaking. “Let’s be glad we caught it early. Wait here, I’ll bring some medicine and you can take it easy today and knock it right out. Okay?”

A smile tugs the corners of Sougo’s lips up. Although he’s still ashamed at his own incompetence, there’s something infectious about the confidence with which Ryuu encourages him, and he finds himself nodding. Satisfied with the response, Ryuu releases Sougo’s hand and rises, heading for the kitchen.

Sougo swings his legs around, resting his feet on the floor while his eyes follow Ryuu. The towel around his shoulders is gone when he returns in less than a minute, a packet of medicine in one hand and a glass of water in the other. “Think you can down it?” he inquires softly, kneeling between Sougo's legs and studying his perplexed expression. A humble nod is all he can manage, accepting Ryuu’s goodwill in either hand. A smile graces his lips after Sougo downs the medicine, hand affectionately ruffling Sougo’s hair, as though telling him he’s done well. Sougo wavers between delight and sulking at the touch.

“I’ll make some porridge for you to eat, but is tea okay in the meantime? You might not realize yet whether your stomach can handle food, so I want to stay on the safe side.”

“What about you, Tsunashi-san?”

“Hm? Oh, don't worry, I’ll make something for myself too.”

“You don’t have to go so far for me,” Sougo insists after a short pause. “I’ll call my manager or Banri-san to come pick me up—”

Ryuu huffs, a short breath of air, lips curled with what almost, _almost_ , looks like frustration, the rare display of this particular emotion from the mild-mannered Tsunashi Ryuunosuke he’s gotten used to seeing in recent days forcing the air from his lungs on a choked breath.

“Sougo-kun,” he repeats, voice firm, eyes unwavering. “Let me take care of you today.”

Sougo deflates under the intensity of his gaze almost instantly. “A-Alright,” he practically squeaks, recoiling internally at the sound of his voice.

The contrast between his seriousness and the sudden return of his grin nearly causes Sougo to evaporate into thin air right then and there. Luckily, Ryuu spares him any further comment, taking the empty glass from Sougo’s hand and heading for the kitchen again.

Sougo’s eyes glue themselves to his back until he disappears from sight.

_I should probably apologize again,_ he thinks to himself absently as he hears Ryuu rummaging around. _Or thank him. Or say something at all._

Admittedly, these moments where Ryuu’s so effortlessly thoughtful confuse Sougo more than anything in their relationship. Sougo struggles between a deeply ingrained compulsion to reject it, lest accepting outside help implicate him as weak and dependent, and a desire to be honest with Ryuu, who gives so much of himself to others so earnestly and deserves nothing but the same in return.

It’s been months and Sougo’s still not truly capable of the latter. It’s not as easy to learn how to open his heart up as it is to allow habit to close it off.

Ryuu knows, and he’s okay with how things are, okay with drawing Sougo out bit by bit, at whatever pace he’s comfortable with. It’s so like Ryuu that it hurts.

 

-

 

_Does it make you happy?_ Ryuu asked one day, in response to an offhanded comment Sougo made about his incapability of trusting the good will of others.

_What?_

_To be so afraid of disappointing anyone who puts their trust in you that you shut them out before they can._

_...No. It doesn’t._

_Then it’s not that you’re not incapable of it. It’s that no one ever taught you how to connect with others like that. What it means to be vulnerable enough to love._

_But I love you._

_That doesn’t make you happy yet, does it?_

_...No. It doesn’t._

_That’s all I want. So let me do whatever it takes to make you happy that you love me._

 

-

 

He’s familiar with the desire to make others happy; it’s what they both do for a living, after all. What Sougo doesn’t understand, can’t possibly fathom, is Ryuu’s reason for directing it towards _him_. As one who’s never been anything but a burden, never done anything but cause trouble for others, Sougo’s wholly undeserving of it, wholly undeserving of Ryuu.

He doesn’t deserve it...but he doesn’t dislike it either.

Only hopes that one day, he can return those feelings with the same ease. It’s the least he can do to show Ryuu gratitude for all he’s done for Sougo...gratitude for the happiness he's given him.

If that makes Ryuu happy too, then maybe it's enough.

Sougo thinks for a moment, an idea forming in his head. It takes only a few minutes of consideration to make up his mind. He lifts his body from the couch, shivering from the loss of stored body heat, but the thought of what he’s about to do sends blood rushing to his head. If not for the medicine relieving his fever, he may very well have passed out.

It’s embarrassing, and he’s positive he’ll end up in flames somewhere in the depths of hell, but...it’s all he can think of doing for now.

Fortunately (or not) Ryuu’s too absorbed in preparing something at the counter to notice Sougo sneaking up from the entryway. Multiple ingredients already lay atop the counters in an organized manner, clearly ready for cooking, and on any other day Sougo’s mouth would have watered at the mere sight.

_Focus_ , he reminds himself, eyes boring into Ryuu’s back. A melody floats to his ears: the unmistakable sound of Ryuu humming. It...almost sounds like…

_FOCUS._

Ryuu could notice him at any moment; it’s no time to freeze up and lose his will. He takes a deep breath to steel himself—and quickly peeps around Ryuu to ensure he isn’t holding anything sharp—counting to three before he commits to quite possibly the most forward contact between them he’s ever initiated.

_Three...two...one._

His thin arms snake around Ryuu’s waist, hands clasped together a bit too tightly just below Ryuu’s navel. Ryuu starts in surprise at the sudden embrace, a shiver running down his back as Sougo leans his head against Ryuu’s shoulder and squeezes.

“S-Sougo-kun?!”

The taller man’s voice is several octaves higher than normal as he attempts to twist around and find Sougo’s face; Sougo might be amused if he weren’t so unbelievably nervous. Not trusting himself to speak quite yet, Sougo hugs tighter, refusing to let Ryuu move.

Ryuu’s muscles tense. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling alright? Has your fever gone up?”

Wordlessly, Sougo shakes his head, nose rubbing against the fabric of Ryuu’s shirt. Obviously relieved, he puts his hands on the counter and sighs. “Is that so…” he mumbles on an exhale. “Are you okay?”

A nod.

“Did something happen?”

A shake. A solid minute of silence passes.

“...Um, Sougo-kun? Can you say something? I don’t think I'll believe you’re alright until I hear your voice.”

It’s now or never.

His voice is surprisingly even when he finally manages to get out the words he’s been meaning to say, not just for Ryuu offering to selflessly to take care of him today, but for everything he’s done and continues to do for Sougo.

“Thank you, Tsunashi-san. For...everything.”

It’s a little too soft, maybe, and not the nerve-wracking spiel Sougo half-expected himself to stumble into, but the words hang in the air regardless, simple yet overwhelmingly expressive.

Though Ryuu’s face isn’t visible, Sougo can tell from the way Ryuu lays his hands over Sougo’s and sighs, leaning back into the embrace.

He’s smiling.

“You’re welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you follow my twitter you probably expected a slow dance fic for sougo's bday but you know what. i'm not sorry in the slightest and i have no regrets. even though i finished this at three a.m.
> 
> cry with me over these boys with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sobaya_san)


End file.
